i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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