Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am available for nakedness
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
