i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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