have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
