Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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