she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
