you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
