Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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