Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
