who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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