thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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