Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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