Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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