If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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