found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
