i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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