Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
