omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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