Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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