so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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