Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
