your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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