Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
