does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
