But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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