Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize