I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
