Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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