I can text with my tongue
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
