dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
