I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
