I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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