he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize