I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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