I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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