She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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