Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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