like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
