We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
