This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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