I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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