I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
