I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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