Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
