This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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