I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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