I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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