we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm too high and old for this...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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