I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
