so explain again why im purple
no
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
