you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I currently don't understand fingers.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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