Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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