No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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