physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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