note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
