In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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