R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
