I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
