ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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