I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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