And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
