I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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