hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Randomize
