just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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