if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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