it wasn't lemon gatorade
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
