Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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