You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
