just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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