some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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