I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
