onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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