if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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