You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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