what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
