...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
