That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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