Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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