How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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